The AdHole

Since the dawn of marketing communications (and approximately 16 seconds before that term was shortened into the insufferable mash-up “marcomm”), advertising agencies and clients alike have fallen into the same trap over and over and over again. No, not the starburst trap. No, not the underline-important-words trap. No, not the show-the-customer-smiling-while-holding-eating-caressing-the-product-inappropriately trap. No, not the…well, let’s just say the traps into which those of us in the business can fall are legion. But today, the trap of which I write is the trap of equating a tool with a strategy.

The tool-as-strategy trap is an easy one to fall prey to. It usually involves a shiny new form of media (Newspapers! Radio! Television! Internet! Telekinesis!) and a proclamation that all previous forms of media are forthwith null and void posthaste, etc. etc. Gurus arise (often of the self-anointed variety), agencies and clients are fleeced and large segments of the populace don’t notice a thing has changed.

The current tool du jour is social media. Social media includes such things as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and a bunch of other sites that promise to be different than Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn but really aren’t. Social media does not include such familiar anti-social media as television, radio, magazines and billboards. Because you enjoy those mediums alone, with nothing but the cold, echoing groans of your empty soul to comfort you.

Also, MySpace no longer counts as social media. It has carved a newer, niche-ier segment known as Perv-n-Indie-Band media. Also, kitties.

Companies as vast as General Electric and as tiny as the neighborhood dry cleaners are into social media, bombarding us with pleas to “like” their Facebook pages, follow them on Twitter and, as a favorite SM saying goes, “join the conversation.” Which is all well and good, assuming companies understand the difference between being on Facebook and Twitter and actually using the mediums to advance their businesses.

Because, as I may have alluded to a scant few sentences ago, social media is a tool, not a strategy. It’s like any other tool in advertising: Wield it well or be prepared to poke out an eye. Just as there is a wide gulf between great TV spots and anything starring Vince “Slap Chop” Schlomi, there’s a big difference between successful social media campaigns like Pepsi’s Refresh Project and Best Buy’s Twitter-based Twelpforce, and tossing your pizza chain’s locations up on Facebook and throwing some coupons to your 193 Twitter followers.

There are several attractive aspects to social media. First, it’s cheap to get into. Unless you’ve managed to hold onto to that TI 99/4a for the past 30 years, chances are your computer will load up Facebook and Twitter just fine. So, your initial investment comes down to time, which is often comes in the ultra-affordable form of intern-time. But that’s where too many companies and agency begin and end their foray into social media – with a young youth who either thinks he’s knows everything about social media yet knows nothing about the brand, or admits he knows nothing about either. Note the all-around lack of brand knowledge going on. So much for faking it till you make it.

Like all media, it is possible to create an effective campaign using social media alone. But, unshockingly, the best social media efforts tie into broader schemes. The best current example of this is Old Spice’s “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” campaign. This campaign originally launched with one thirty-second spot, a couple of fifteens and a microsite. And those spots exploded into all manner of glorious joy bits over YouTube, racking up at least 14 million views from my coworker Silver alone. Oh, and the thirty-second spot won the Grand Prix and Cannes. A nice piece of hardware, even if it stinks of mime.

Now, Old Spice and their agency, Wieden+Kennedy, could’ve kicked back, tossed out a couple more derivative spots and called it a campaign. And, in fact, they did do some more TV spots, although no one would accuse them of phoning those in. But then they did something that can really only be described as cool: They put their now über-popular character to the task of answering their fans with personalized videos. Pulling comments from multiple SM sources in real-time (Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, etc.), the creative team scripted responses that TMYMCSL (actor Isaiah Mustafa) delivered in his typical, manly style. Videos were posted to YouTube and their arrival disseminated via Twitter and Facebook. They did this for two days straight, answering comments from anonymous tweeters to celebrities to Mustafa’s own daughter. In the end, they had produced over 100 clips, lit up the online world and gained even more fans for the brand. It’ll probably win some more trophies next year. And, crazy of crazies, it was all part of a strategy.

Sure beats the heck out of “Who wants a coupon?” tweets, doesn’t it?

Later,

Fox

We all have to start somewhere. For most people, their ignominious beginnings within the bowels of a corporation, law firm or nail salon are not immediately put on display and then saved in one form or another to be brought back years later at inopportune moments. Like when running for public office or wooing a lady. But such is the fate of the advertising writer or art director. While our very first headlines, layouts or (shudder) coupons may not get produced, at some point some project gets the green light and we are finally able to hold our first piece of bona fide advertising in our still-baby-smooth hands. Unless it’s a digital ad. Then we just stare.

Back before Al Gore even dreamed of claiming to have personally hand-coded the internet, I was a young, willowy sapling of a writer, trying my best to get a job in the red-hot advertising market that was Kansas City. I had been doing some freelancing for a small (six-person) shop on their retirement homes account. Seeing that I was not scared away by these glamorous assignments, the agency owner decided to use me for their next Jiffy Lube spot.

The local Jiffy Lube franchise was going to begin offering windshield chip repair and wanted a TV spot to tout this new profit center. The only requirements were that it had to feature the local franchise himself (as all their spots did), and it had to be cheap (as all their spots were). The former I knew I could somehow accommodate. The latter, well, I had no idea what anything cost to produce. So I winged that mother.

I gave the agency three scripts. One that, I would later learn, would be considered “direct.” (I now hate the phrase “make it more direct,” btw.) One compared rock chips to potato chips. And another that was the eventual winner. As I was a freelancing neophyte at the time, I was not invited to the set. In hindsight, not getting to sit around all day looking at a bearded rich dude standing on white cyc wasn’t much of a blow.

Lucky for you, I discovered a VHS tape of this spot whilst digging through my Archive of Advertising, currently located in a couple of plastic bins in my home office closet. So I fired up Final Cut, digitized that mother and stuck it on YouTube. Behold its wonder:

Produced in December 1994 and aired the following month, that spot is now over 15 years old. Sadly, it is not the worst spot I ever produced. That honor collectively belongs to spots #2 through #7. Some for Jiffy Lube Heartland and some for the national Jiffy Lube client (yes, somehow a tiny shop in suburban KC had an $8 million national account). Some of the spots’ awfulness is fully my fault. Other atrocities I can lay squarely at the feet of others. But the story of my first real war with account service will have to wait for another day.

And in case you’re wondering, I didn’t show this (or other old spots) to my now-wife whilst in the midst of pitching woo. I waited eight years. Which, for the spot I shall only refer to as “Lobster,” was still two years too few.

Later,

Fox

Note: This post originally appeared nearly three and a half years ago. Sadly, I think it’ll still bear repeating 30 years from now.

The call to action must die. And we, fellow ad people, must kill it.

How many times have you presented an ad to an account person, creative director or client and been met with phrases similar to these:

“I like it, but it needs a stronger call to action.”

“Where’s the call to action?”

“Do you think that new girl in media digs me? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure she digs me. Seriously.”

You’ve undoubtedly stumbled away from these encounters asking yourself why your noble little ad needs a call to action. And why are you surrounded by pervs. I can only answer the former:

Your ad does not need a call to action.

Few ads, in fact, need any semblance of a call to action. And the reason is simple: it’s an ad. People know what ads are. People know why advertisers advertise. No one is confused by an advertiser’s motives. An advertiser (gasp!) wants you to buy the product or service they’re advertising. Cray. Zee.

But too many people within our industry refuse to believe this. They insist on telling people to buy now, call today and hurry in soon even though they’ll be here years from now. [Note: I’m not talking about time-sensitive ads for sales and limited-time offers (LTOs for the wonks). If the Baby Back Barbecue Chipotle Carne Asada Fajita Platter for Two is taking a breather after next week, feel free to let me know. Just don’t be so obnoxious about it.]

Have you seen the current Mercury campaign? How could you not with their bludgeoning media buy? The ads themselves are awful. Ill-conceived, poorly written and featuring an actress who would apparently not be caught dead in a Mountaineer or an acting class. But the topper is the ever-present call to action with which they end every spot. The Mercury Magpie, who has spent the last 23 seconds attempting to convince you that a Milan is as rockin’ an auto as a BMW 3-series, tells you with a straight face that “you gotta put Mercury on your list.”

No. No, I don’t.

Real brands with real products that people really like don’t advertise like this. Their brand is their call to action. Just do it! Think different! Drive the ultimate driving machine! Sound good? Join in!

That’s it. It’s not that complicated. It’s just advertising done well. So go forth and build the brand. The people will know what to do with it.

And the next time someone asks you where the call to action is, tell them they’re looking at it.

Later,

Fox

The problem with reading an assortment of quality ad blogs (which are also free, making them, wait for it, a value) is that I’m often subjected to hideous advertising that I have either yet to see or would never see in the wild. “The wild” being Plano, Texas. Such was the case yesterday when I popped over to The Denver Egotist and read about Chipotle’s new ad campaign.

If even you’ve never eaten at a Chipotle out of fear of mispronouncing it when asking go workers to go with you, you may still recall their iconic, billboard-heavy campaign from several years ago. The campaign featured a ginormous burrito wrapped in aluminum foil accompanied by a mildly snarky line like “Usually when you roll something this good, it’s illegal” or “Objects in mirror are larger than they appear.” Fun stuff.

Then the Chipotle Corporate Overlords grew tired of having such nearly universally loved ads and a brand that was exploding all over the map despite their ridiculous $1.75 charge for guacamole and left their first love TDA and gave the account to Butler, Shine, Stern and Partners who cranked out something I can’t even describe and so will simply link to . Backlash ensued. Campaign died.

The ad agency wanted them to be more direct? What agency were they working with? Rapp? Unless by “direct” they mean “clearly communicating a message people give a rip about.” Then by all means, be more direct. And leave the tired highlight-some-words-in-a-line-to-make-another-phrase shtick at home.

At least their steak tacos are still good.

Later,

Fox

P.S. If anyone can tell me how to get that image centered in WordPress, drop me a line. Tried various tweaks to the CSS file, but nothing sticks.

According to this Ad Age article, AT&T is set to break a major rebranding campaign today during the opening round of the Masters golf tournament. (Yes, I realize I could be commenting on Nike’s new creeptacular Tiger Woods spot, but I think the 13.459 other ad blogs have it covered.) The company is seeking to shift itself away from being just a telecommunications firm to being an “innovation company.”

Umm, what?

I know what telecommunications are. I also know what innovation is. But the former fits easily into a saleable package whereas the other floats free on the wings of the speckled-breasted jackasserobin. I’m not saying AT&T can’t pull this off, but it’s going to be a hard row to hoe. After all, are they going to be touting innovations outside of the communications field? Will I soon be able to get an AT&T insulin pump? I somehow doubt it.

Granted, I won’t be sorry to see the lame wonkishness of “Your world. Delivered.” go away. (The new tag is “Rethink possible.” which feels too derivative of Apple’s classic “Think Different.” for my taste.) Or those Luke Wilson ads die off (sorry, Luke, nothing personal). But when there are companies like Apple and even Dyson (check out their sweet new bladeless fan) roaming the Hills of Innovation, trying to climb that mountain seems like a slog worth avoiding.

But who knows. Maybe the work will blow me away. After all, BBDO does great work for FedEx. Bring it, guys. Prove me wrong. I’ll be happy to recant.

Later,

Fox

When it comes to righteous (and generally justified) indignation, few things compare to the annual culture clash over the commercialization of Christmas (this column brought to you be the letter C). You’ve heard the pleas for holiday justice. “Jesus is the reason for the season!” “Put Christ back in Christmas.” “Someone please tell me what wassailing is!” All important points to be sure. But the ensuing Druid takeover of Yuletide (insert your own joke regarding 80s TV show “Riptide” here) notwithstanding, at least the over-commercialization of Christmas has its roots in reflecting actual, Christ-based traditions. The gift of Christ to the world. The gifts of the Magi to the Christ child. The returning of the frankincense to the Bethlehem Target.

Easter, however, is chock-a-block with symbols and traditions that literally have nothing to do with the resurrection of Christ. Things that, frankly, serve only to obfuscate the true meaning of the day. Did the Easter Bunny roll away the stone? Did Mary wear an oversized hat to the sepulcher? Was Christ’s first post-risen meal a spiral-cut ham? No. No. I like to think so.

Of course, the problem is that we aren’t going to rid ourselves of Aretha Franklin-esque headwear or grossly deformed marshmallow chicks any time soon. The Chocolate Triumvirate of Cadbury, Hershey’s and Nestle will see to that. Instead, I propose that we do unto others what said others have been attempting to do unto Christmas for decades – co-opt these secular symbols for our own, super-holy purposes.

Here’s how:

The Easter Bunny – What child doesn’t delight at the very idea of a Shaq-sized rabbit feloniously breaking into their home to deposit goodies that were produced in a factory on equipment that may have had contact with eggs, peanuts, dairy, wheat and Christopher Walken? Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses are down with it (not that I asked). But again, what does a giant cottontail have to do with Christ overcoming death and hell? Not much, in reality. The Easter Bunny is derived from the rabbit’s ancient use as a springtime fertility symbol. And if there’s one thing I don’t really want to discuss with the kiddos at Easter, it’s fertility. Instead, let’s make the Easter Bunny even more like the Jolly Fatman than it already is: The Bunny shall henceforth be a symbol of Christ bestowing symbolic blessings upon the children of the world. Children will learn valuable lessons about Christ’s ultimate gift and how enjoying too many blessings at once can lead to an upset stomach and tooth decay. Win.

Bonnets – The donning by ladies of chapeaus whose diameters measure in excess of thrice their own waistlines extends back to Shakespeare’s time when ladies would wear new clothes at Easter to celebrate the renewing power of Christ’s redemption, and to irritate the people sitting behind them at The Globe Theatre. However, this obtuse, obscure and oh-so-boring reason simply won’t fly in today’s hipster-doofus culture. Henceforth, therefore, the wearing of hats of unusual sizes will be seen as a way of humbling and shielding oneself before the glory of the risen Lord. The traditional Methodist Bonnet Toss remains optional except where prohibited by law (Lincoln, Nebraska).

Ham – The truth is that Grandma is baking ham on Easter because that’s what Grandma makes every Sunday whether we’re celebrating Christ ransoming the lost or not. But in order to placate your plaintive spawn when they ask for mac ’n’ cheese instead of sixteen pounds of pork-and-brown-sugar goodness, simply refer them to Acts Chapter 14. In this passage, as I’m sure all of my readers recall, Peter receives a vision from the Lord revealing that all formerly non-kosher animals are now ripe for the barbecuing. Amen and amen.

Peeps – Peeps are globs of marshmallow formed into the rough semblance of a chick, bunny or other kuddly kritter and coated with sugar that’s been doused with enough food coloring to dye every fake river in every amusement park in America a day-glo yellow, red or blue for the next twenty years. What they are not is chocolate. And are, therefore, the embodiment of all that is evil. If certain insolent tiny humans of your house insist upon the presence of Peeps in their Easter baskets, I suggest you take one out and stomp it with your heel. Then refer the tikes to Genesis 3:15.

Chicks – I have no idea why anyone has ever thought it was a good idea to buy their child a baby chicken as an Easter present. However, if you let the chick mature into tasty adult chickenhood and then drop it in the fryer – representing a truly sacrificial act – I suppose it could be okay. Nah, I take that back. No chicks. Not even for Fonzie.

Wumpus – The Wumpus is a mythical creature created in the late 1970s in one of computerdom’s early games. This geeky beast has no current tie to Easter, other than I may have once played “Hunt the Wumpus” on the family TI-99/4A over Easter weekend in 1980. Nonetheless, just as Santa Claus has the Heat Miser, so should the Easter Bunny have a little-discussed arch nemesis that will one day be featured in a Rakin Bass stop-motion cartoon. Plus, parents can threaten to feed their kids’ candy (or the kids) to the Wumpus. And if you insist on tying him back to Christendom, just call him Beelzewumpus.

And there you have it. If you’re feeling jaunty, try incorporating all of these changes into this year’s Easter festivities. Or, spread them out over the years. Better yet, start a Facebook page entitled “1 Million Strong for the Easter Wumpus.” Don’t let this valuable outreach opportunity pass you by.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a new seersucker suit and a minivan full of cream eggs to procure.

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This column first appeared in the April 2010 edition of Chatter magazine.

Leo Laporte of TWiT TV interviewed Wieden + Kennedy creative team Craig Allen and Eric Kallman about the production of their already-world-famous Old Spice spot “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” (which I blogged about two posts ago). The use of mostly practical effects makes it all the more awesome to fellow creatives like myself. Although I must still destroy Mr. Allen and take over his role of copywriter on the account. Sorry, Craig.

Later,

Fox

BBDO has been doing some truly stellar work for FedEx over the last several years. Consistent in tone and tone and message, the work proves that giving a campaign legs doesn’t require annoying schtick like the Aflac duck. Huzzah. Instead, the FedEx spots rely on witty, almost rapid-fire dialogue in the vein of Howard Hawks. And they’re not afraid to make cultural references or use idioms that not every audience member will understand. Proving that you can get your message across without having to get every joke across. Again, huzzah.

I saw this latest spot during the Daytona 500 a couple of days ago. Rather, I saw it as I fast-forwarded the TiVo and went back to watch it. Why? Because it was a FedEx spot and I knew it’d be good. Hmmm.

This spot is entitled “Coma” and promotes FedEx Ground. Which, unlike Brown, never breaks my stuff.

Later,

Fox

If Old Spice had ponied up the dough to run this during the Super Bowl two days ago, they wouldn’t have won the Ad Meter – they would have melted it into a gooey pile of shame with its confidence and mawnsomeness (manly awesomeness, duh).

Is this guy the black Bruce Campbell, or is Bruce the white this guy? Since Bruce is older – and Bruce Campbell – I guess the former. Sorry, new dude. But you are in Bruce’s league, so kudos to you.

This spot reminds me of another favorite Old Spice commercial of yore. “Yore” being “2007.”

To see more Manmercials, visit the Old Spice YouTube channel.

Later,

Fox

Apparently it’s not enough to just have a killer spot on the Super Bowl. Or even a lame spot. No, in this day and age, you have to build an integrated campaign that spans media channels, demographics and Twitter feeds to create, wait for it, synergy. While not every brand on this list produced teaser campaigns, enough did so to make it this year’s Super Cliché. I, naturally, missed most of the teasers as I was busy pitching new business and changing diapers – often simultaneously – in the weeks before the game. But whatever, an ad needs to stand on its own in victory or die, lonely and bitter, in the gutter that is the fourth annual Super Hole.

Enjoy,

Fox

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Spots reviewed as they aired, more or less. Also, I don’t review regional ads (if I can tell they’re regional), film trailers or promos for CBS shows or the NFL.

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Bud Light, “Light House” – I’ll give Bud Light credit for refraining from the scatological (that means “poop”) comedy from years past, but this didn’t really have the feel of a Super Bowl spot. Good production values, of course, but it seem like, well, any other Bud Light spot. You could call that creative consistency, but I won’t. B-

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Snickers, “Betty & Abe” – This spot started off quite strongly with venerable comedienne Betty White getting walloped in a game of touch football and then talking smack. The payoff of “you’re not you when you’re hungry” however, was a let down (even if it is true as this diabetic can attest). If you’re going to intro a spot with Betty White at wide out, don’t change her to a pasty suburban dude halfway through the spot. Bonus points, naturally, for good use of Abe Vigoda in the stinger. B

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Focus on the Family, “The Tebows” – Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha. Okay, the ad itself wasn’t great, but the strategy was brilliant. This “controversial” ad – dubbed so by pro-abortion advocates who hadn’t even seen the spot – was nothing more than a classic “please visit our website” ad. No mention of abortion. Not even a hint. Just a proud mom who speaks of her “miracle baby.” Me, I would’ve said “abortion” seven or eight times during the spot, but I’m ornery like that. Still, feels good knowing a bunch of so-called pro-choice (as long as you choose to agree with us) folks got their collective BVDs in a wad over this. Spot: B, Strategy: A+

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Hyundai, “Paint” – This spot for Hyundai’s new Sonata sedan, filled with classical music and well-done slow motion footage, had me right until the end when the client and/or account supervisor insisted on inserting the Read more »